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jalenrawley's Journal
Created on 2006-06-21 00:45:38 (#10497426), last updated 2006-07-26
0 comments received, 21 comments posted
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Basic Info| Name: | Jalen Rawley |
|---|---|
| Location: | Illinois, United States |
BioFAQ:
Who am I? If you don't know, then you don't need to know.
Is this journal friends only? Nope. There just aren't any posts in it.
Why do you have a LiveJournal then? It's one more relic from my past that I just haven't completely thrown away yet because I'm trying not to disrespect an ever dwindling number of people from by vanishing without a trace. I don't actually talk to any of them anymore, but they can't say that they can't reach me. Just putting the ball in other people's court. Actually, I guess leaving the ball there is a better description. But the ball is flat. And it's in the closet. Under a couple coats. And one glove... always one fucking glove.
What if I actually want to talk to you? Well, even though we both know that's not the case, I'll entertain the possibility that you think you want to talk to me. Well, you can reach me a number of ways but you have to figure it out. That way, when you find me and try and hide your true agenda, I can at least feel like you put some effort into it.
Jeez, bitter? Let's just say it's a defense mechanism, and thanks to giving really shitty people the benefit of the doubt I'm constantly on the defense. Nobody to blame but myself, so I just give less people the benefit of the doubt. You suffer, not me. Well, maybe you don't suffer that way. Nobody suffers. See? Win/win. How can you argue with win/win?
I added you as a friend, why don't you respond? Honestly, I'm updating this now because I didn't realize I hadn't already put something here. Maybe I thought the enigmatic thing was somehow more stark, more benign, more noir, more minimalistic, more romantic, more "less is more"? Before updating this tonight, I haven't even thought about LiveJournal for over a year and a half. It was a day of perspectives and nostalgia. Certain days will do that to you, you know. However, you can expect a similar response time in the future. In fact, you might as well consider it standard operating procedure.
Why am I here? Ah, existentialism. You are here because you want something. Figure out what it is and go get it. You might think I have it, but no, I don't have it. Keep looking. You'll find it. And you'll know when you find it because it'll all make sense. Everything seems to shift into perspective, it unravels and tells you its entire tale. You see it, you hear it, you taste it, you smell it, you feel it and more than anything you -know- it. It's all downhill from there, and it's a steep slope too so be careful. Try not to peak too early, it never gets any easier. The more you know, the harder it gets. Too much of anything is a terrible, dangerous thing but too much knowledge is the worst of them all because you see, hear, taste, smell, feel and know. You know. You can't wake up tomorrow and not know. You know. As you watch the world crumbling around you, you know. You understand. All you can do is smile, and cry, and wait for death. It's not long now, it never is. Time passes so differently when your perspective changes. 10 years, 20 years... just a blink of the eye. You start to get sad when you're around too long after you know, so you embrace it, you welcome it, you're ready to go. You stand proud in the sunlight, chin high, jaw rigid, but your eyes are moist. You are so sad, but so happy at the same time. You're leaving, but you're not leaving... you're still there. You're always there. As long as there is someone to know, you will always be there.
And yeah, you know that too.
(Beats me, I just went with it)
Who am I? If you don't know, then you don't need to know.
Is this journal friends only? Nope. There just aren't any posts in it.
Why do you have a LiveJournal then? It's one more relic from my past that I just haven't completely thrown away yet because I'm trying not to disrespect an ever dwindling number of people from by vanishing without a trace. I don't actually talk to any of them anymore, but they can't say that they can't reach me. Just putting the ball in other people's court. Actually, I guess leaving the ball there is a better description. But the ball is flat. And it's in the closet. Under a couple coats. And one glove... always one fucking glove.
What if I actually want to talk to you? Well, even though we both know that's not the case, I'll entertain the possibility that you think you want to talk to me. Well, you can reach me a number of ways but you have to figure it out. That way, when you find me and try and hide your true agenda, I can at least feel like you put some effort into it.
Jeez, bitter? Let's just say it's a defense mechanism, and thanks to giving really shitty people the benefit of the doubt I'm constantly on the defense. Nobody to blame but myself, so I just give less people the benefit of the doubt. You suffer, not me. Well, maybe you don't suffer that way. Nobody suffers. See? Win/win. How can you argue with win/win?
I added you as a friend, why don't you respond? Honestly, I'm updating this now because I didn't realize I hadn't already put something here. Maybe I thought the enigmatic thing was somehow more stark, more benign, more noir, more minimalistic, more romantic, more "less is more"? Before updating this tonight, I haven't even thought about LiveJournal for over a year and a half. It was a day of perspectives and nostalgia. Certain days will do that to you, you know. However, you can expect a similar response time in the future. In fact, you might as well consider it standard operating procedure.
Why am I here? Ah, existentialism. You are here because you want something. Figure out what it is and go get it. You might think I have it, but no, I don't have it. Keep looking. You'll find it. And you'll know when you find it because it'll all make sense. Everything seems to shift into perspective, it unravels and tells you its entire tale. You see it, you hear it, you taste it, you smell it, you feel it and more than anything you -know- it. It's all downhill from there, and it's a steep slope too so be careful. Try not to peak too early, it never gets any easier. The more you know, the harder it gets. Too much of anything is a terrible, dangerous thing but too much knowledge is the worst of them all because you see, hear, taste, smell, feel and know. You know. You can't wake up tomorrow and not know. You know. As you watch the world crumbling around you, you know. You understand. All you can do is smile, and cry, and wait for death. It's not long now, it never is. Time passes so differently when your perspective changes. 10 years, 20 years... just a blink of the eye. You start to get sad when you're around too long after you know, so you embrace it, you welcome it, you're ready to go. You stand proud in the sunlight, chin high, jaw rigid, but your eyes are moist. You are so sad, but so happy at the same time. You're leaving, but you're not leaving... you're still there. You're always there. As long as there is someone to know, you will always be there.
And yeah, you know that too.
(Beats me, I just went with it)
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